if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
