there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
only you would photoshop your dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
