It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
