The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
