Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
