Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
