Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
