Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
