Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
