I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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