I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
