I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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