I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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