i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
