Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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