It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
