Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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