I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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