Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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