a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
