I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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