glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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