Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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