that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
