the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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