She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
