I'm really into asian looking animals
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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