How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
