he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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