By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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