Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
