I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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