Pappa wants mamma naked
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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