i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
