y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize