Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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