i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
