i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
