You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
