yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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