well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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