ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
