Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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