just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
