Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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