My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
