5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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