another moral hangover. fuck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
