so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
