I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
