I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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