vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize