dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
