Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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