I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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