Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
