I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
