foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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