I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
