Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
