So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
