Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
worst night to have a conscience
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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