The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize