one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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