His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
do nipples grow back?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
